


vulnerability

by bokutosbeans



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged up characters, Angst, AtsuKita, Atsumu Miya, Cheating, M/M, Unhappy Ending, shinsuke kita, unfaithful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:14:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23812147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokutosbeans/pseuds/bokutosbeans
Summary: atsumu miya was never the type of person to cry. never the type of person to have a meltdown, and most certainly never the type of person to show any vulnerability.shinsuke kita was never the type of person to act on a whim. never the type of person to hurt others, and most certainly never the type of person to hurt atsumu miya.
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 4
Kudos: 78





	vulnerability

_ you can drive your knife through my chest now. _

atsumu miya was never the type of person to cry. never the type of person to have a meltdown, and most certainly never the type of person to show any vulnerability. 

shinsuke kita was never the type of person to act on a whim. never the type of person to hurt others, and most certainly never the type of person to hurt atsumu miya.

that’s what they both thought, anyways.

it was a quiet night. atsumu was sat criss-cross on the living room floor in front of the couch playing mario kart. he was waiting for shinsuke to return home from work. the smaller man had been on atsumu’s mind all day long. he couldn’t wait to greet his smaller fiance with a kiss and a long hug. he thought shinsuke had felt the same way, too.

he thought.

_ shinsuke stumbled into the house, drunkenly giggling as he was messily kissing an equally as drunk man stumbling behind him. once the two were inside the house, the other man shut the door and turned to pin shinsuke against it. they messily and heatedly kissed, both laughing flirtily and allowing their hands to roam the other’s body. _

_ atsumu looked up from his game, completely and utterly confused at the noise, and he froze in shock upon the sight.  _

_ shinsuke. _

_ his shinsuke. _

_ his fiance.  _

_ kissing another man. allowing another man to touch him. giggling and whispering sweet things to another man. a man that wasn’t him. _

_ a man that would never be him again. _

_ all atsumu could do was sit and stare in shock. he watched as his fiance and the other man stumbled into their bedroom. he listened as one of the two shut the door. he listened as things began to get heated. all he did was sit and stare at the spot shinsuke had once been standing in. the spot that shinsuke had been kissed in. _

_ kissed by a man that was not atsumu miya.  _

_ atsumu slowly rose from the floor. he picked up his gaming controller and turned the console off, along with the tv and all the lights in the living room. he gnawed on his lip as he grabbed a blanket off the couch and stalked off to the spare bedroom. atsumu would not allow himself to break down. he was stronger than that. he was so much stronger than that. _

_ but was he? _

_ was he really? _

_ he thought about all the times shinsuke had whispered lovingly into his ear when they were making love.  _

_ he thought about all the times he would wake up early in the morning to make shinsuke breakfast before he went off to work. _

_ he thought about all the times that shinsuke had told him he loves him, over and over again; singing the words like a mantra in his ears.  _

_ he thought about how it felt to hold shinsuke against him, to gently kiss his forehead, nose, and cheeks. how it felt to run his hands through kita’s soft bi-colored hair as he spoke about his day. how it felt to be loved by kita; how it felt for kita to be his and him to be kita’s. it was them against the world. atsumu and kita.  _

_ there was no longer an atsumu and kita.  _

_ atsumu curled up in the middle of the guest bed. he sighed as he wrapped the blanket around himself and closed his eyes. he had no idea what he did to deserve being cheated on. had he not loved shinsuke enough? had he not been there for him enough? shinsuke always told him he was enough, but seemingly he wasn’t. it didn’t make any sense. atsumu didn’t know how to feel or what to do. he didn’t want to allow himself to cry, however he couldn’t help the hot tears that streamed down his cheeks and fell soundlessly onto the blanket. he allowed himself to silently sob, to shake with his cries as he clutched the top of his blanket in his hands.  _

_ he would never feel whole again.  _

it was morning now, and the house was completely silent. if a pin dropped, you would have been able to hear it. atsumu simply sat and stared at the ceiling, not blinking despite his eyes burning. his eyes were bloodshot from crying, his cheeks were flushed. he looked like a mess. he felt like a mess. 

he  _ was _ a mess.

atsumu slowly sat up, deciding that he needed to pack all of his belongings and leave before either of the two men in the other bedroom woke up. atsumu stood, roughly rubbing his eyes with his sleeves before beginning to fold the blanket he had slept with the night prior. it was his favorite blanket, and he refused to leave it in his and shinsuke’s now broken home. he slowly walked out of the guest room and stepped over to the tv, unplugging his consoles (shinsuke never bothered using them anyway) and stacking them on top of one another. he neatly wrapped the wires before carrying the consoles and gently placing them on top of the blanket in the guest room. as atsumu walked around the house collecting his little things, he wondered how he would handle life without shinsuke. the two have been pretty much inseparable since highschool, it would be an odd occurrence for them to be without each other.

atsumu froze in his tracks. maybe leaving wasn’t the right idea, maybe he and shinsuke could fix this. maybe they could take the pieces of their broken hearts and put them back together, one by one. 

but would atsumu ever be able to trust shinsuke again? he didn’t think so. atsumu had horrible trust issues in the first place, and it took him a long time to begin to trust shinsuke.

then shinsuke went and betrayed his trust. he slept with another man. he touched another man. he allowed another man to touch him. he kissed another man. called another man names that he would only whisper to atsumu late at night in the comfort of their dark bedroom as they were tangled in their bedsheets. 

all the things shinsuke said to him, all the things shinsuke gave to him, they were all a lie. everything about their relationship was a lie.

shinsuke lied. 

atsumu allowed himself to cry as he continued walking around the house picking up his things and placing them in the guest bedroom. he walked around and checked every single room, making sure he collected every single one of his items. atsumu frowned at photos of himself and shinsuke when he saw them, and he resisted the urge to break the frames they were in. as atsumu stepped into the spare bedroom, he opened the walk-in closet where the two stored their suitcases and such other items. he chose a suitcase, not exactly having half the mind to care about which he grabbed, and began neatly packing his belongings into it. everything besides his clothes and remaining items in the bedroom he shared with shinsuke were in the closet, and he decided that he didn’t need anything he left there. he could buy more clothes. he could buy a new phone charger and new shoes. he could buy a new hair brush and a new laptop.

however, he couldn’t buy another shinsuke. 

atsumu heavily sighed as he zipped his suitcase. he didn’t want to leave, but he had to. there wasn’t anything the two men could do to solve the problem at hand. atsumu could never trust shinsuke again.

then he heard it.

shinsuke woke up, confusedly asking the other man who he was. the other man did not know who shinsuke was either, and atsumu could practically feel the heavy silence weighing in his and shinsuke’s formerly shared bedroom. 

it all happened at the blink of an eye.

“shit!” shinsuke cursed, practically diving off of the bed and wrapping a sheet around himself. “get  _ out _ of here, i have no idea who you  _ are _ !”

the other man apologized profusely as he collected his clothes and left. atsumu quietly shut the guest bedroom door, leaning his back against it and sliding down so his knees were pressed up against his chest. he slumped down against them, burying his head between them as he shakily inhaled and exhaled. 

he could still hear shinsuke ruffling around the bedroom, most likely cleaning himself up and putting clothes on. he wasn’t ready to see shinsuke. he didn’t want to look into the eyes of his beautiful fiance and not find the love in them that he always searched for.

“‘tsumu, baby? where are you? we need to talk,” shinsuke spoke as he walked around the house. he didn’t expect atsumu to answer him, so instead he sat down in front of the spare room’s door. “when you’re ready to come out, we should talk about this. i know saying sorry won’t fix the fact that i broke your trust, but i’m truly, endlessly, deeply sorry, atsumu.” 

atsumu squeezed his eyes shut. he knew shinsuke was sorry, and he wanted to do nothing more than forgive him, but he couldn’t. he couldn’t open up a world of possibilities for shinsuke to hurt him. he had to move on, even if it meant losing one of the most important things in his life. he had to let shinsuke go, because seemingly, shinsuke had already let _ him  _ go.

shinsuke sat outside the spare bedroom for a long time waiting for atsumu to come out. neither of them spoke or moved. it was almost comforting, and the two almost forgot about the events that happened. but in reality, they couldn’t forget. they had to face the music and realize that this mistake would never be fixed.

some things are broken beyond repair. 

atsumu and shinsuke’s relationship was broken beyond repair. 

when atsumu finally moved, shinsuke felt as if he had let out a breath he’d been holding for hours. he began to slowly stand, watching anxiously as the door open. neither of the two knew what to expect, but what they both saw was something neither of them thought they’d ever see. 

both men’s eyes were bloodshot from crying. both of their faces were red, and their hair was a mess. atsumu almost expected shinsuke to look like a stranger when he opened the door; and he almost did. there were hickeys lined down the side of his neck, presumably from the man he cheated with. atsumu could see a few on his collarbone too, and he found himself growing tense with frustration as he looked at his now almost unknown lover.

atsumu was a total mess. he looked hallow, almost; like there was nothing left of his being. shinsuke felt a pang of guilt and regret in his chest, but he swallowed it down. he knew he couldn’t do anything. 

the two stared at each other, and for a few seconds, neither of them spoke. it was as if the world stopped spinning, and they were the only two people left standing. atsumu slowly moved forward before he realized what he was doing, and the two found themselves in a tight embrace. atsumu’s face buried in shinsuke’s hair, and shinsuke’s buried in atsumu’s chest. they stood there for a good few minutes, relishing in the feel of one another. 

shinsuke wanted to stay like this forever. to forget he ever went out to the bar with a colleague and ended up getting drunk. to forget he kissed another man, that he allowed another man to touch him.

a man that was not atsumu miya.

“atsumu,” shinsuke spoke, his voice tight.  _ it doesn’t sound as light and airy as it usually does _ , atsumu noted. “i’m  _ so  _ sorry.” 

atsumu found himself scoffing. he didn’t really mean to, but he couldn’t help it. shinsuke had made love to another man, cheated on him, and he was  _ sorry _ ? sorry wasn’t going to fix anything. despite his anger, atsumu didn’t move. he didn’t want to let shinsuke go, and so he didn’t. 

“you’re  _ sorry _ , ‘suke? really? sorry isn’t going to change the fact that you fucked up.” 

shinsuke sighed. he knew that was coming, and he knew that atsumu was never going to forgive him. he lifted his head up and softly nudged atsumu’s away from his hair. the two looked into each other’s eyes.

atsumu was not expecting to see the love and guilt in shinsuke’s eyes that he had desperately been searching for. 

shinsuke was not expecting to see the betrayal and pain in atsumu’s eyes that he hoped he’d never have to search for.

“‘suke…” atsumu whispered, slowly raising his hand to cup shinsuke’s cheek. he softly sighed, running his thumb over shinsuke’s cheek bone before he spoke again. “why did you do that? why would you  _ do  _ that to me,  _ to us _ ? was what we had not enough for you? i’m trying to understand, shinsuke, but i don’t. i really, really don’t.” 

shinsuke’s hand instinctively rose to atsumu’s. he gently pushed the hand of his broken lover off of his face and intertwined their fingers. he didn’t know what to say, what do to. he knew that these would most likely be the last moments he’d ever share with atsumu, but he couldn’t bring himself to speak. all he could do was stare down at their intertwined hands and try to memorize the feeling. the feeling of atsumu’s larger hand wrapped around his own. the feeling of safety and security the two clasping hands brought. 

shinsuke had lost atsumu.

atsumu had lost shinsuke.

there was nothing left for them to say.

shinsuke said nothing. 

atsumu waited. he was practically holding his breath. he couldn’t go without shinsuke responding, could he? he couldn’t just walk out on his lover like that. he didn’t want to, but his head was spinning, spiraling, drowning in so many feelings and so many emotions, atsumu felt dizzy.

“you know,” atsumu began, unattaching himself from shinsuke and backing away into the bedroom. “i trusted you. i trusted you with everything. i loved you; hell, i still love you. but i don’t think you love me anymore, ‘suke. if you loved me, you wouldn’t have slept with another man.” atsumu picked his suitcase up. he almost didn’t try and walk out. he almost stayed.

but shinsuke didn’t say anything. 

“i get it, you know,” astumu bitterly laughed as he began to walk to the front door. “i guess i wasn’t enough for you, and so you went and got drunk, then slept with someone else. you  _ told _ me i was enough, ‘suke,  _ why am i not enough _ ?”

atsumu stopped in front of the door. he didn’t want to walk out. everything in his body was telling him to turn around, to run back to kita and work this out. to push everything past, to forget. to pretend shinsuke didn’t lie. to pretend he trusted shinsuke.

to pretend everything is okay. 

“don’t try to contact me, shinsuke. i’m not going to answer. honestly, i don’t think i’ll ever be able to look at you the same. you’re not the shinsuke that i knew. you’re someone totally different,” atsumu bit his lip and slid the engagement ring shinsuke had proposed with off of his finger, he dropped it on the floor before speaking again. “you’re a stranger.” 

and then he was gone. 

all shinsuke could do was stare at the ring on the floor. he barely even heard the front door shut.

he lost the biggest piece of himself. 

he lost his atsumu. 

atsumu miya was no longer his, and he was no longer atsumu miya’s.

_ all i’ll ever be is a letdown. _


End file.
